Tough week for mommy

I did not realize before becoming a parent how a child could push a person so close to the edge of sanity, nor how important it is to have a support network in your life in order to achieve one's full potential as a parent.

This week, Eva has been cutting more teeth (that's five coming in at the same time now) and only sleeps when the medicine is working. As soon as the medicine wears off, she wakes up. So, good mommy that I am have been putting her to bed at 8:00 p.m., then waiting until the chickens go to sleep to close up the chicken house (11:00 p.m.) and going to bed myself. Well, that means that at 3:00 in the morning, Eva wakes up, and so does mommy. After three days with only 4 hours of sleep each, I had reached my breaking point... oh my word, is it hard to be patient and calm and peaceful when contending with an unconsolable baby on no sleep. Yeah, I pretty much failed, grumped at everyone and didn't like anyone, including Eva. So, I realized I needed help and on Wednesday, called my mom out of her room early and asked her to watch Eva while I got some more sleep. It's amazing how four hours of sleep can so completely change your world. I went to bed hating everyone and woke up loving everyone. I liked my family again, but haven't had a lot of time away from Eva to post anything.

In any case, I don't care anymore about my pre-planned bedtime. Eva is now going to bed with the Chickens so I can go to sleep also. Now we're both getting 7 - 8 hours of sleep and everyone in the house is happier. There are a couple other things I have done to help us. I have been putting white noise in her room (a suggestion from a father I know) or else a cd of soft music. But the white noise (between two radio stations) helps her feel like there's someone else there and covers up other noises. Another suggestion that has really helped me, which came from one of the mothers at my church, is the aluminum foil on the windows. We live so far north that the sun doesn't go down until almost 11:00 p.m. and gets up before 5:00 a.m. So, that's when Eva got up... with the sun. The aluminum foil blocks out all of the light and she sleeps. David hated it, said it looked horribly tacky, until the first time he put her to sleep after I put it up and she went right to sleep in the dark room. Now he likes it also. So, sleepwise, things are improving, and will get better yet once she quits teething.

Eva has definitely become more clingy this week. I've noticed an increase in her need to be consoled if I am absent for any length of time, yet at the same time, if I am present, she is more able to explore her environment also. At church last Wednesday, I noticed that while she needed a lot of reassurance, she has started crawling away from me a little to look at something and then crawl back to reassure herself. Then, she'll go do something else, and then come back again. I believe this is age appropriate attachment for a baby around 6 to 9 months old, which is to be expected as Eva has to go through the process of attachment from the beginning all over again. I am just thrilled that she has finally reached this point and see it as a huge milestone that she now looks to me as a mother and watches to see what my reaction is to things to know how she should react.

Another acheivement this week are the kisses. Before Eva only gave kisses when she saw someone else give them and those were pretty recent also, well this week she has started giving them spontaneously. Daddy, myself and granny have all received Eva kisses. They are silent and slobbery, but, hands down, the best I've ever received. I think that she has finally received enough kisses herself to realize that she can return them. Also, she is starting to trust us enough to allow more intimacy. So, last night, I thought I'd try a baby massage. It went pretty well, I think. I put on some Chinese lullabyes, dimmed the lights, asked her permission... okay she didn't have a clue what I was asking, but I asked anyway, got out the lotion and... she decided she should play. She wasn't about to relax and lay down, I've never seen a baby that wiggles so much, but I wasn't deterred. She did sit still for me to massage her back and her belly... she loves her back massaged. However, the arms and the legs she wasn't sure about, I believe she thought I had some sneaky plan to confine her and she wasn't having any part of that. I followed her cues and didn't push it. I am just hopeful she will get to enjoy touch enough to let me massage her more fully in time.

I can hear the roosters crowing and am starting to worry that Eva can as well. I am sure she will wake up again soon. She got up at 6:00 this morning after going to bed at 10:30. I gave her more medicine and put her back to sleep, which took an hour. She has to get more sleep than she's getting. I'm just thinking about killing some roosters right about now...